Poor Phil was caught. He had lived a lie for 3 days, skipping school.

Now, his disappointed father directs him to the attic stairs where he is to be punished by confinement. His bed is moved up and meals will be brought to him — for three days and nights.

S. D. Gordon’s tender account of this New England home episode pictures Mother and Dad unable to eat their evening meal. Sleep, too, is impossible for them. “Why aren’t you sleeping?” she asks. “It’s Phil,” is the reply. “I’m going up and sleep with him!”

Dad finds his 14-year-old son still awake, face awash with tears. Slipping beneath the covers, the devoted father gets his arms around the boy. Their tears mingle.

For the next two nights it is the same. The father shares Phil’s punishment.

This is just what Jesus did for us. Oh, that we might ever share with our own children the double lesson:  l)The seriousness of sin 2)The strength of our father-love.

Our text is Proverbs 3:11, 12.

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not resent his rebuke,
¹² because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    as a father the son he delights in.”

See also Deuteronomy 8:5. Think it out: God evidently expects parents to correct their children like He corrects His.

Now, all authority is from God. The Bible teaches that civil rulers get their places of power by God’s decree. This must be especially true with those whose right it is to be called “Father”! Oh , to be like Him! What an awesome responsibility!

God bears and rears children. Men on earth do the same as His representatives. Scripture makes it exactly this serious.

God revealed the reason for His confidence in Abraham: “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just,” Genesis 18:19. By contrast the high priest Eli was condemned because in handling his wicked sons “he failed to restrain them,” I Samuel 3: 13. Consider also the wretched events that befell David’s home because of his domestic failure.

The New Testament carries the teaching onward. The church leader is to set an example, “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect,” I Timothy 3:4.

Parents, are you missing the way? Many are not directing, handling, their children as God does us. Picture the typical worn-out parent — more obedient to the children than the youngsters are to them!

Study over the text again.  Surely, we are ordered by God to discipline our children just as God disciplines us.

I.  WITH SPIRITUAL UNDERSTANDING

Have you ever meditated on exactly why God requires us to discipline our children? Here are three points to ponder:

1. The Nature of God.  Our text verses indicate He is both loving and holy. Both lead Him to correct us.

I once witnessed an embarressed pair of parents trying to stop their screaming child from searing our ears. “One more time and I will wash your mouth with soap.” The performance was, of course, repeated. The tiny child towered over his parents as they groveled, begged, threatened. Even the more fancy approaches of directing his attention to higher things fell flat. Finally, Dad said, “You let us finish this like a good boy and then I will play a game with you.”

Later Dad fulfilled his promise, while we waited. Had I asked, “Why are you so quick to keep this promise?”, I know he could have made quite a speech on the importance of keeping one’s word, etc. But what I wanted to know was why not keep the words of warning also? And, keep them the very first time!

Parents, what a shame to so represent the nature of God! He keeps ALL His word. Our children need to be taught the certainty of God’s words of warning. Every command spoken should be followed through. It is no obedience when they must be argued, pushed or pulled into line. What do they do the FIRST TIME YOU SPEAK?….even in the little matters?

2.  The Child’s Nature.  “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away,” Proverbs 22:15. By nature the child has a heart of folly that needs attention desperately.

Further, “a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother,” Proverbs 29:15. That little heart with the wrong bent will always get worse if allowed to exercise itself. “Discipline your children, for in that there is hope,” Proverbs 19:18.

Once I heard a professor of psychology plead for children’s self-expression. “If my little one crawls over and snaps off the host’s TV, I don’t bother. He will outgrow it. As an older child or adult, he won’t still be doing that,” he reasoned. Yes, but he will have had years of exercising a foul nature, selfishness, and disrespect to elders.

Delinquency starts in diapers! It is never outgrown. It may be coated over for a time with civility or social acceptability, but chances are in the teen years it will crop out. And, it all began in babyhood because of parental failure.

“Discipline your children, for in that there is hope.” By first grade of school it is all but too late. By teen-age years, it is positively too late. Only a miracle can change things, then, and that won’t happen unless broken parents humbly confess their sin before God.

3. The Nature of the Rod.  All the foregoing requires spiritual understanding. It is not the common reasoning of the age. However, it is plainly what God is saying in Proverbs. Consider this text also:

“Do not withhold discipline from a child;
    if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.
¹⁴ Punish them with the rod
    and save them from death,” Proverbs 23:13-14

Thus, the rod is to counteract the sinful nature and to produce what God wants in a young life. It stands between them and hell. God created us and knows exactly what is needed. He says, “A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom,” Proverbs 29: 15. (Not just endless reasoning and arguing but the faithful, sound use of the rod is repeatedly commended by this book of wisdom.)

II.  WITH LOVING DILIGENCE

Laxness is not love. Parents ought to hear what God says and not be misled by modern “authorities”.  Nor should they seek to compensate for their own backgrounds. Perhaps you have endured the heavy, fierce hand as a child. Do not lean to the opposite extreme. A second wrong won’t help anything!

Someone has pointed out that the Lord of love cleansed the temple with the whip and thus Jesus “loved with the whip.” True. And, here the rod is a symbol of love, not violent rage.

Look again at our text, Proverbs 3:11, 12. God teaches us to correct faithfully in love.

Interestingly enough this same book says something about the frequency and intensity of the rod’s use. “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” Proverbs 13:24.

There must be no over-powering anger.  (That would make everything a total loss “for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires,” James 1:20).  Instead, the rod must be used consistently –– and with complete thoroughness. “Do not be a willing party to their death,” Proverbs 19:18. “Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.  Punish them with the rod and save them from death,” Proverbs 23: 13-14. To spank a child only hard enough to anger them is a mistake. Half-spankings and all rude slapping and man-handling is harmful. Take them aside; then deliberately do a thorough job of it.

Avoid idle orders. Be God’s representative. Speak in quiet confidence. Then carefully, prayerfully let them realize that a new day is dawning! By prayer, keep your heart full of firm love.

“Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire,” Proverbs 29:17. What more could a loving parent wish!